is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
