I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
