fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
