You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
