I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
A+ Viking dick
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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