I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
