I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
