dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
