You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just forgot I was standing up.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
