Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
