i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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