i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
