Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
