Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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