I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize