my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
