she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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