He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
