So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
