God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
