i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
