Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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