I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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