the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize