Already got asked if we're dating
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
