i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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