It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
