Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
