Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
