i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
