I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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