you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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