you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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