i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
