he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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