Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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