:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
