so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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