Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
