i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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