His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
