Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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