I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize