I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Two words: nipple clamps
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