there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
