i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Randomize
