seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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