we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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