Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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