i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
