yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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