literally had 100 drinks last night.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
