i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
