he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
