Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize