So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
