Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
