apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
We have started to decorate penises.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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