he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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