i just had sex bonerless
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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