You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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