I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I think people are normalizing furries
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
