Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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