It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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