I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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