Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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