Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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