it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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