U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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