I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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