brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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