i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Randomize
