i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
