My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
