Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
