I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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