Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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