Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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