is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Randomize
