y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize