I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Randomize
