He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
