Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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