Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
