if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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